In my home city of Melbourne, a strange phenomenon has taken hold. Public spaces are no longer exactly public. Smartphones and wireless headphones have turned these spaces—parks, trains, streets, university campuses, shopping centres, etc.—into places to be alone together.

And I HATE it.

Nothing depresses me more than seeing almost every single person on the train home stuck in their own little world, ignoring the people only centimetres away from them.

I know it makes me sound like a boomer, but I dream of a bygone world where people greeted and smiled and chatted with the people they encountered. I feel like people were happier back then; well, I can only imagine, since the people I see buried in their phones and podcasts on the train home seem to wear a very specific concoction of exhaustion, boredom, and loneliness on their faces.

HOWEVER, DESPITE ALL THAT: the alternative—actually talking to strangers—scares me shitless.

Like many people my age, I do just about anything to avoid talking to strangers. I order pizza online rather than calling up, I avoid eye contact on the street, and until recently, I would wear AirPods and stay glued to my phone in public settings to deter others from approaching me. It’s all very embarrassing to admit, but it’s unfortunately very relatable for members of my generation.

I read a book recently that preached how people are much happier when they talk to strangers, and deep down I already knew that. I’m deeply embarrassed about the way I have become conditioned to avoid any sort of contact with strangers, and I want to do something about it. That’s why this week, I started talking to strangers.

My fear of interacting with strangers runs pretty deep, so I wanted to take my time with this. With the ultimate goal of talking to a complete stranger (stay tuned for next week’s post), I started by getting a bit friendlier with the type of strangers it is more socially acceptable to chat with: employees.

Luckily, I was on holiday this week and encountered plenty. First up, I asked a restaurant worker for café suggestions around Launceston. It was actually super easy, and I started chatting with every waiter, check-out chick, and tour guide I encountered.

That was a good start, but these conversations were with strangers you are expected to talk to (at least in some capacity).

So I pushed a little further. I started talking to people in situations where one might talk to a stranger but isn’t necessarily expected to. I struck up a conversation with a guy on my ziplining tour who was by himself. He was from Perth, and we chatted about footy and life on the West Coast. Later, when I stopped at a roadside lookout, I turned to a lady and made some generic comment about how beautiful the view was, then continued to ask her about her holiday. And at the infamous MONA museum in Hobart, I struck up a conversation with a worker (who was just chilling and patrolling one of the rooms) and got talking about life as a museum worker (he told me some wild stories about guests messing with the exhibits).

These conversations definitely took more courage to initiate, but I still felt like I was cheating a little. I needed to talk to complete strangers; the type of people you pass every day without a single thought of talking to.

This was an incredibly daunting task, and I didn’t feel ready to just strike up a conversation straight away, so I started small. I made it my mission every day, to make eye contact with, smile at, and say “good morning” to every stranger I passed. At first, I was pretty timid and spoke very quietly, but after a few days, I started to get the hang of it! Every time I got a smile or a good morning back I felt amazing, getting a little rush of serotonin. I got louder, smiled more, and held eye contact for longer, and after a hike where I passed about 100 people, I felt completely natural doing so. I must have started giving off friendly vibes because strangers started saying hello to ME before I could say it to them.

I also started doing a couple of other things, such as responding creatively when people asked me how I was going (rather than the usual “Yeah good, how about you”), and offering to take people’s photos at tourist spots. Both of which were easy ways to initiate conversations.

Well, that’s where I’m at for this week. My journey of talking to strangers is off to an encouraging start, but I have yet to have a full conversation with a complete stranger. Tune in next week to find out how that goes (I’m shitting myself).

Did I enjoy it and would I do it again? Overall, this whole experience was challenging, and I had many moments of chickening out before actually going through with it. However, I honestly really enjoyed it when I did push myself. Getting a smile back or hearing about someone’s day just made me feel really happy and this positive feeling carried with me for the rest of the day. I know it will be hard to push myself to keep doing this, but I really want to.

What did I learn? There were a few moments where I tried to talk to somebody and they weren’t interested. For example, a guy sat down opposite me on a train one morning, and I smiled and said “Good morning”, but he kind of looked away awkwardly and pulled out his phone (to be fair this is exactly the reaction I would pull in the past). I expected this rejection to kill me, but honestly, I moved on from it pretty quickly. I also learned that people don’t mind, and even maybe want, to talk to you, when you show them some interest.